Top 4 Useless Car Features



 

SINGAPORE – Here at CarBuyer we’ve tested a lot of cars (it’s probably numbering in the thousands by now, collectively).

Which is why we cringe when looking at the spec sheets of some cars, since there are just some features that are as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest. Of course, car spec sheets include every single thing about a car in an effort to convince you you’re getting more. But with our handy list, you can find out what you’re better off without when it comes to buying. 

1. Fog Lights 
“Hey it’s dark and foggy out there Jim, could you turn your fog lights on?” “Oh I think there’s a snake lying on the road, maybe you should turn your fog lights on.” Are phrases nobody has ever said while sober, sane or upright. Fog lights are like the death sentence and capital punishment – they belong on the past because they have absolutely no use in the modern context. The only use we can think of for fog lights are irritating other road users with fog lights that are brighter than your actual main headlights. Then again, some people think mullets are cool. 

I’ve personally never had to use fog lights, ever, and that includes while driving in actual snow and actual fog. And they’re also extra useless now that lights such as Audi’s Matrix LEDs mean you won’t ever need them anymore.


2. 2+2 Seats
Any time you see 2+2 seats in a brochure it means there are two front seats and two vaguely seat-shaped spaces behind them. No actual humans could fit in those seats (as you can see from the excellent units of the Lotus Evora) unless they 1. Have no legs or 2.Have no sense. 2+2 seats are the invention of the Devil who’s simpy trying to assuage the guilt of your buying a two-seat sports car and to compromise the handling. Everyone knows buying a two-seat machine is a point of pride, not shame.  


3. Colour Change Interior Lights
Colour change interior lighting is a fad that seems to have taken off in recent times, with the chief instigator being Mini, which hid its colour change LEDs in the cabin amidst a forest of illogical controls. Kia did it in the previous Koup, while Ford has included it in the Kuga SUV.  All we can say is the designers must have been krazy, since it’s the sort of feature that can entertain for about five seconds while you change colour rhythmically and pretend to be at a tea dance circa late 1990. Beyond that it seems to have no actual purpose unless you’re five years old.  Toyota’s new Alphard has a colour-diddling light bar too, presumably to entertain the adults while the children watch arthouse movies on the in-built DVD player. 


4. Sun/Moon Roofs 
Now before you dismiss this as mere irascibility speaking, there is, from an engineering standpoint, no good reason to include a sun/moon/asteroid roof in a car: It detracts from the overall strenght of the frame and bodyshell, it adds weight at the highest point of the machine and it makes cars hotter. Cars, as we all know, have no problem becoming hot here. For those who can’t let go of how cool sun/moon/sky roofs are, we can say just save your cash and wind down the window the next time you need to check if the sky is still there. 

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about the author

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Derryn Wong
Has a keen interest in all things mechanical, technological, animal and mineral. Is particularly fascinated by eco-cars and cars which make no logical sense. An avid motorcyclist and photographer, he also enjoys cats.